


my religion teacher emailed my mom snitching i handed an assignment late by like 3 hours so instead of doing her work during class i wrote this as a fuck you

by destielisanoof



Series: Band Doodles [3]
Category: Bandom, Megadeth, Metallica
Genre: #andjusticeforjason, Alternate Universe - Crack, Bullying, Corona season based, Crack, F/M, Homophobic Language, In front of everyone, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Secret Relationship, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Weird Plot Shit, and then breaks kirks wah wah pedal, but he ends up eating davids ass like its his thankgiving diner, chill james is just being a bully, cliff smokes weed the whole time but the spanks jaymes because he was being a bitch, i guess, james is bullying everyone, jaymes mutes jason btw so jason just sorta cries in mute during this whole thing, junior just wanted starbucks but dave ate his virgin ass instead, lars smells bad lol, my teacher was annoying so i wrote this shit, no one take this seriously, one kuddos equals one prayer for Junoir's virgin ass, please, poor baby, so is Dave, this is a crack, this is completely SHIT, which is alot, whoever reads this need therapy as much as i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26992318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielisanoof/pseuds/destielisanoof
Summary: Metallica and Megadeth locked inside a quarantine bunker to keep safe from 'rOnA cOrOnA!! fucked up timeline, just pretend everyone is like 20 and hot (except lars lol)i included every metallica member but not all megadeth members, just the important ones 🤪 cuz there's like 50 people in the band lol.this is a fucked up crack i wrote during my online lessons because my religion teacher has been a bish so while she was speaking about the holy trinity i was writing a crack fic and in full detail about dave eating junior's ass like the slut he is.(warning: dave eats junior's ass)
Relationships: Cliff Burton/Kirk Hammett, David Ellefson/Dave Mustaine, Kiko Loureiro/Original Character(s), Marty Friedman/Nick Menza
Series: Band Doodles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746823
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	my religion teacher emailed my mom snitching i handed an assignment late by like 3 hours so instead of doing her work during class i wrote this as a fuck you

**Author's Note:**

> btw im gonna take a shit and drag Lars James and Dave in this because they're annoying ass bitches and this is a hate fic for Lars James and Dave. 
> 
> also warning i'm dyslexic so if u can read this properly u need a medal
> 
> ya got a problem with Lars James and Dave getting bullied like the pussies they are then leave lolz (psa i dont hate Lars James or Dave i love them so so much, I just love taking a piss on them🤪)

The twinky blonde woke up groaning like the bitch he is. "The fuck am i bitches?"

"A quarantine bunker" Larzie poo said. He ran to the twinky blonde's side and yelled. "cuz of 'rOnA cOrOnA i kidnapped you and all the rest of the bitches and put you in dis bunker so we dont get the 'rOnA cOrOnA!"

Semaj looked around the bunker room and surprise surprise! The stinky danish rat HAD kidnapped all of them!

"De frick Muststardfuck and his stinky bandmates doing in our buncker??" the dumb blonde said and well it hurt tittie lover Marty's feelings and my poor bby started crying. 

"Look what you did u dipshit! You made my uwu boi start crying!" Jesus Nick yelled at Semaj and threw a walnut at him.

Stinky danish rat just rolled his eyes. "he's Dave Must-Stay-In. we need the soulless bitch to survive 'rOnA cOrOnA." Larzie poo whispered to Semaj "also if i didn't bring the very attractive but pale as fuck white boi Daveed he's drooling over he would have made killing his religion."

"ah" Semaj said and ran around looking for beER GOOD! (oml that napster video still makes me laugh lmfao but still a brain tumour at the same time.) 

"HEY! We are not stinky!" the soulless ginger bitch protested. 

"Lorz is more stinky than anyone in this room lolz" Cliffy Diffy the Weedy Sniffy said smoking a bunch of weed. Cliffy Diffy the Weedy Sniffy being the nice bby angel he is rolled up a joint for his best bby boi friend Kork so they can be higher than Wiz Khalifa together. 

"No I dont!" the stinky danish rat yelled. 

"Yes you do you rat go shower!!" everyone but 💕💕Kork my bby💕💕screamd at Lorz. 

Larzie poo was about to cry but then remembered that he still had one fwiend and that fwiend was 💕💕Kork💕💕 "Kork do u think i smell bad?" Lorz said doin dis 😔 👉👈 because he is one shy pussy bITCH.

Kork being the bby angel he is looked up at Lorz with an innocent looking face. He bated his eye lashes up at Lorz from where he was siting and gave Lorz a warm little smile. "You smell like Heaven's ass crack."

Larzie poo started crying like a bitch and Jesus Nick laughed and spat in his face as he should. 

"That's for making my anime tittie lover boo cry!" He said and hugged Marty Friedhair to stop his crying because it was sad seeing our bby boi cry. 

"guys, can we all just chill, smoke some weed and listen to music and wait for this to be over with out fighting," Jubie the Starbucks Lover whined. He didn't like seeing his fwiends fighting, just love and joy.

"no we can't stop fighting. it'll be boring if there is no tea to spill. Hey blonde bimbo!" Gar Gar argued and yelled at James to get his attention.

"YEAH?" 

"Chris the quiet bitch we stan thinks you're fat!" Gar Gar lied because he is the only bitch who is bored and wants to see chaos unfold. Honestly who can blame him, if i died and came back only to be locked inside a bunker with these dipshits while 'rOnA cOrOnA is killing people I would probably make all these little shits argue. except 💖Kiko, trebor and marty-nezz because they are my little baby uwus and shall be protected at all costs and if anyone says shit bout this two will have their intestines 🧚🏻 💫 💗 𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷 𝓽𝓸 𝓮𝔁𝓽𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓼💗💫🧚🏻.

"He what?" the blonde twink asked. 

"I did nawt!!" Chris the quiet bitch defended himself. Couldn't they leave him alone to finish his word scramble?

"Chris you stinky fish you're just jealous I have a thiccer ass than you do you skiny jeaned dick" the twinky blonde bimbo bullied and chris the quiet bitch we stan started sobbing because jaymez is such a rude bum. 

"dude stop making my band mates crying you dick!" the mustard stain yelled, covering Junior the Starbucks Lover 101's ear in case the blonde bimbo made him cry too. 

"NO!" Jaymez yelled and stood up from the fugly couch Lorz stinky poo bough. "Hey Kiko. When I hear you guitar playing it makes my day 💖😍🧚🏿 **♀** 😌✨ 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓼𝓮✨😌 **♀** 🧚🏿😍💖" the blonde bimbo smirked evilly when Kiko my boo boo bear broke down into tears. 

Now everyone was rightfully angry with Semaj because he made Chris-y💖 boo, Marty💖 boo and Kiko💖 boo cry. Like the angry ginger Mustardfuck is he stood up and walked over to Kork and Cliffy. "You made three of my band memebers cry i will makes yours cry too!" the gingery bitch yelled and like the bitch he is he grabbed Kork's wah wah pedal and smashed it on the ground in front of Kork. The gingery bitch also stomped on the pedal just so he can break it even more because he is a soulless bitch. 

Kork gave one look up at Dave and started crying like the poor soft uwu boi he is. Cliffy and Jasonic rushed to his side to comfort our bby, but no one was hugging Kiko🥺

And that was the time for me to fly in on my brand new white Gibson Flying V (that was a flex btw) from Venus where I was hanging out with Eddie (RIP legend I am still crying) and cuddle with Kiko. 

"Itz okee my boo boo cinnamon roll. ignore what that blonde twink said. I love u for you and when ever I hear you play my heart melts and starts running 34GB a second cause of how much i luv u uwu and how talented you are. he's just jealous you're better," i say in a happy tone because im always happy (because im always on crack or lsd).

my uwu Kiko stopped crying and so did Marty-friedhair and Chris the quiet kid because I gave them Christmas tree coockies. because in _"There is nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend"_ also im with Bob Ross up in Venus which is the Heaven for badasses because it rains metal there and we all drew on cookies with all the legends that have died. 🥺🥺 

i picked up my hot ass flying V and flew out of the bunker and back to Venus to finish writing this and finish my religion work 2 WEEKS EARLY SO MY TEACHER WOULD GET OFF MY DICK! 

back to the story, Cliffy huged Kirko my bby to make him stop crying cuz he was still sod and wouldn;t stop so Cliffy had an idea because he is a Jenius.

"Here, you can have my bass wah wah if you would like," Cliffy Diffy The Weedy Sniffy offered and Kork's face light brighter than a flashlight. 

"Oh i would love to!" he sang and grabbed the new wah wah pedal and tried it on his guitar. Semaj just noticed that Jasonic was in the room. 

"urgh what is this bitch shaped like a twink doing here? we already have the amazing Cliffy Birdfuck we dont need any other bassist!" Semaj bullied jasonic but the Kazoo man over heard this and quietly sobbed as sipped on his Starbucks grande vanilla bean iced latte espresso with coconut sugar, almond milk and pink glittery sprinkles while listening to some Jazzzzzz on his AirPods.

Jasonic got angry, "shut up you bully. at least i am nice to people and dont mute them off the album"

Jaymez and stinky Lorz shared a look saying they needed to shut Jasonic up before he told everyone that the purposely muted the bass in ...And Justice for All. Even if everyone already knew. 

The blond bimbo got up and ran towards Jasonic. He instantly started pocking the smoll twink everywhere as if looking for a button to mute him. "dude stahp this is ✨𝓾𝓷𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓯𝔂✨!" but Jaymez didn't stop poking Jasonic until the hot twink didn't make any noise.

Jasonic tried to speak but nothing was heard because Semaj poked him mute. With satisfaction (something Mick Jagger cant get no) Semaj walked ack to the fugly couch and sat down with some BEER, GOOD!

everyone just chilled for a few minutes before Ron who everyone including me forgot about, "so how long we gone be here locked up like rats?"

Lorz the rat just shrugged, "until the government says its safe to come out"

Jesus Nick knew what was about to come so he plugged his ears. 

"oMg WhY wOuLd yOu LiStEn To ThE gOvRnMeNt? YoU kNoW tHiS iS jUsT aN iNtErNeT hOaX tO cOnTrOl ThE aMeRiCaN pEoPlE? mAsKs TaKe AwAy My FrEeDoM oF sPeEcH aNd RiGtHs! i DemAnD To Be ReLeAsEd FrOm ThIs PrIsOn!" the Mustard Fuck started protesting and running around the room.

"Don't worry he does this all the time. His tantrum should be over soon," Jubie that pale ass bitch informed everyone. 

"ThE mAsKs SiLeNcE tHe AmErIcAn PeOpLe! ThEy TaKe OuR fReEdOm aWaY!" Dave kept yelling as he ran around the small room everyone was siting at.

Gar Gar the Cigar got tired of Mustardfuck's shit so he stood up and slapped the ginger in the face. 

"Would you quit acting like a baby? No one told you to wear a mask also you're not even American you're German," Gar Gar the Cigar pointed out and the gingery bum sat down again and shut up. 

"Also we're in Canada lol," Lorz pointed out and Dav looked like he was having a midlife crisis. 

"So my whole life has been a lie?" he said frantic TIK TOK!

Everyone just sat back and let the ginger have his midlife crisis in peace. They all sat in quiet again until Marty with crusty hair pulled out his iPhone 17 X Æ A-12 Max Double Pro that can fry an egg and his hair at the same time. He started playing this fun game and everyone looked over to see what Marty-nez was playing

"What ya playin there bud?" Jesus Nick asked pulling the phone closer so he can see better.

"It's called Among Us. Basically we're a bunch of cute little uwu jelly beans that go around finishing tasks trying to win. In each game there is either 1 or 3 bad guys, depending on the game, and in order for them to win the need to kill all the crewmates. We don't know whos good or bad so we just pull evidence together and try to vote the bad guys out," Marty fried-hair explained, giving his daddy Jesus Nick heart eyes 😍. 

"I wish I had some jelly beans to eat," Kork said in a sad tone because he wanted to have some jelly beans. 

Dave the evil gay kinky bitch just shot a lustful evil smirk at sweat innocent church boy Junior. 

"I think we've got something better to eat than jelly beans," he said in a ☠️🦋⛓️🖤💀🥀😈🔪💿🌶🔥 tone while looking at Jubie the bby in with the same tone.

"What?" Jubie giggled shyly in a💚🌊🌨🥼🏳🍏🤍🏮🍫🍍🍉✌ tone.

"I would rather eat your ass than jelly beans," Dave Must-Fuck-Junior said not changing his face expression and looking at Jubie with hunger and lust.

Jubie the naive virgin just tried to laugh it off awkwardly thinking that Mustardfuck was joking. But he wasn't thinking that now that Dave Must-Fuck-Junior just stared at him like he was about to jump across the chair and go down on him right then and there. That's what the ginger wanted to do and didnt care if everyone watched.

Jubie 'I need to get out of here' Ellefuck swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to laugh the awkward silence off again but that didn't work because an angry and lustful mop of soulless ginger ass grabbed him and yeeted him into the kitchen after started making out with him. 

Like full on shoving his tongue down Jubie's poor throat making out. Before Jubie or anyone could really do anything the soulless ginger took the virgin Junior's pants and panties off and started going down at his butt with no mercy. And then Jubie started moaning like a whore with no mercy.

Everyone else in the living room who could clearly see them in the kitchen wanted to poor gallons on bleach into their eyes. Everyone except Marty Fried-hair and Kazoo Man because they still had no clue what was happening.

Fried-hair man was watching YouTube tutorials on how to make you hair not look fried and Kazoo Man was blasting Steel Pulse into his AirPods and was in the zone and none of them really saw what was going down on the kitchen counter. 

Junior the not so virgin's moans were filling the air, also the sound of the soulless gingers tongue and lips smacking against Jubie's butt hole. 

Jaymez, Lorz, Kork the wah wah man bby, Cliffy Diffy the Weedy Sniffy, Jesus Nick, Muted Jasonic, Gar Gar Cigar, Chris the Christmas tree in Poland, my boo boo Kiko🥺💖 and Ron McWho just watched as the soulless bitch consumed Jubie's soul through his virgin ass. After the ginger demon was done eating our baby Junior out he fucked his not so virgin ass raw until Jubie screamed as he 🍆💦.

Dave being the soulless bitch he is just stuffed his doncker in his pants and locked himself in the bathroom and left poor Jubie half naked on the kitchen counter with his ass fucked raw and his pants and pink silk panties down to his ankles in front of everyone. 

They all awkwardly stared at each other until Ellefuckedintheass just tried to laugh it off. "uh,...I-I didn't think that was going to-to happen,"

"Trust me none of our gay but closeted ass though that was going to happen," Jesus Nick commented and threw a Bible📘 at Jubie's forehead. Jubie pulled up his pants because its ✨𝔀𝓮𝓲𝓻𝓭✨ to walk our with you pants down to you ankles after your front man just POUNDED you ass in front of all you cousins. 

Jesus Nick looked over Marty'nez Fried-hair's shoulder to look at his phone screen and screamed at what he saw. Fried-hair quickly closed all the tabs and pleaded Jesus Nick to keep quiet but it was too late.

"Fried-hair man was watching gay anime titied porn!!" Jesus Nick yelled and pointed a finger at Marty-nez who looked like he wanted to cry again. 

"So? We just watched Mustardstainedfuck pound Junior's virgin ass for ten minutes after he ate it for another ten. Leave the bitch and his anime tities alone," the rat pointed out and Jaymez the blonde bimbo pretended to gag.

"Ew why are people gay? Like just don't be homo's man it's weird," the blonde bimbo bitch just yeed the last shortest straw cos Cliff Diffy the Weedy Sniffy Who Was Now Angry Cliffy stalked towards Semaj's gay twinky ass, bend him over his knee and spanked him 10 times. 

"You can't just bully people for being gay its rude and we will kick you out the Minecraft server if u do dat!" Semaj started crying when Cliff Diffy the Angry Weedy Sniffy was done spanking him but realized at he had a bONER!

"Ew no! i didnt want to give u a boner! Kork my boo boo pussy kitty that wah's too much come 'er" Cliffy cooed and Kork hugged and cuddle him because they are just such a cute couple and I just *screams in happiness*

Jesus Nick hugged and also cuddle his crusty boy friend Marty-nez Fried-hair, knowing exactly how to fill in at Fried-hair's Japanese hentai fantasies.

I started sexting Kiko🥺💖 because he is my boo and I love him very much and he loves me(in this fic only because i am very lonely irl).

Gar Gar the Cigar lit up a Cigar which is cannibalism someone call the cops. 

The soulless bitch emerged from the bathroom which is now Hell and went to cuddle with Jubie his cinnamon roll. 

The Kazoo man was sad because he finished his Starbucks grande vanilla bean iced latte espresso with coconut sugar, almond milk and pink glittery sprinkles but don't worry because I flew back in with my Brand New White Gibson Flying V and gave him another one. 

I also gave one to the Christmas tree from Poland and he was happy too.

Me and my boo Kiko cuddled on a nice leather couch Jesus Nick magically snapped into existence because he is Jesus lol he can do that.

Poor Jasonic was still muted but its okay cos Kazoo man is a nice man and he shared the Starbucks grande vanilla bean iced latte espresso with coconut sugar, almond milk and pink glittery sprinkles with him and they listened to the 'rOnA cOrOnA theme songs which is 'it is cOrOnA time tu du tu du tu tu tutu tu'.

Jaymez the blonde bimbo was still in pain from the smexy spank he got and is now crying because he is loenly. 

The danish rat is also crying because he is lonely too and no one wants to date him because he is stinky. 

and poor Ron McWho is just watching all of this with tho look on his face https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmemegenerator.net%2Finstance%2F57922872%2Fewwww-wtf-face-ew-its-hideous&psig=AOvVaw3Mc4herNNLWPxbs6-5dD_Z&ust=1602696050180000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMjx656KsuwCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAN and looking for him McWill to live.

The end I hope you have braincells left to live through tomorrow. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also I'm going to hell for this. I hope its something to keep y'all busy cuz i haven't updated anything in like a month so🤪🤪


End file.
